Put together a charismatic cast in a caper film, load the script with smart, funny dialogue, add a priceless object and no possible way to attain it, and what do you have? Well, if you’re Steven Soderbergh, you get an enduring and popular franchise from “Ocean’s 11.” But if you’re the makers of “Righteous Thieves,” you get a project with none of the wit, charm, and suspense of the “Ocean’s” films, but a firm belief that adding attractive actors to a heist story will yield 100% success. In reality, the sum of “Thieves” is zero, which is also its current score on Rotten Tomatoes.
The team in “Righteous Thieves” are a smarmy, high-gloss bunch that, while looking great, are totally unconvincing as strategic masterminds or anything other than the waitstaff at a high-end restaurant (call them Vanderpump’s 5). Their target is a quartet of paintings looted by the Nazis (hence the “righteous” part of their moniker) and held by a cartoonish bad guy, played by Brian Cousins, with designs on creating his own version of a new Reich. The heist itself comes together with minimal planning and appears to require none of the team’s alleged special skills. No suspense, no laughs, no stylish direction — no thanks.
